Milla Jovovich in Ultraviolet.
Recently, in his review for Date Movie, Eric referred to it as the worst movie of 2006, until today I would have agreed with him. However, that was before I saw Ultraviolet, which is not only the worst movie of the year, but is also one of the worst movies ever made.
Milla Jovovich stars in this convoluted mess as Violet, a vampire/super-fighter/rebel. At some un-named point in the future a virus was uncovered that was basically vampirism. The government, after experimenting with controlling it, only managed to strengthen and spread it. Now, under the leadership of a dictatorial medical establishment, the government is seeking to hunt down and destroy all vampires.
Violet, who was pregnant when she contracted the vampire disease, works with the rebels and when the movie opens she is trying to steal a weapon developed by the government that supposedly has the power to destroy all vampires on earth. The weapon turns out to actually be a young boy, whose blood it seems has the power to kill. Naturally, the child brings out the dormant maternal instincts in Violet and she has to protect the boy from both the vampires and the government, both who want him dead.
While the plot is cheesy and unnecessarily complicated; it is the scripted dialogue that is the movie's worst problem. In fact, the dialogue is so bad, it's hard to believe someone actually wrote it, let alone got it made into a film. At the climax of the film, Violet faces off with the evil dictator in a fight to the death. "You got blood on me," he says. "Oh, it's on!" Dramatically the music swells and the camera zooms in on Violet as you wait for her comeback. "Yes, it is," she says. I have to say, as a catch-phrase/cutting remark, "Yes, it is," just doesn't quite make it.
Since the main reason for seeing this movie isn't the dialogue, you'd hope that the action would make up for it. Sadly, it's merely Matrix-lite, but without any feeling of tension whatsoever. It is video game action where people get shot, stabbed, sliced and diced without bleeding a drop. Violet herself, despite dying for a short time, barely gets a scratch until the end of the film, and then it's only so her clothes can change color to match the blood on her hand.
Is there anything good about Ultraviolet? Apart from Milla's very brief nude scene, when you see her walk down a hallway from behind, I'd have to say no. Where Date Movie was god awful, it did have some redeeming features. And that's certainly more than can be said about this waste of celluloid.
Photos © Copyright Columbia TriStar (2006)